YOU'VE GOT PERSONALITY
You Are Shaped for Significance - Part 5 of 6
Job 10:8 & Selected
Most of us give lip service to the fact that we believe everybody's unique. But we really don't understand how unique each of us are. The DNA molecule determines your inherited qualities. Mathematicians estimate that the DNA molecule can theoretically unite in an infinite number of ways. DNA can unite in 10 with two billion, four hundred million zeros behind it! That means if you were to find somebody just like you it would be one chance in 10 with two billion, four hundred million zeros behind it. To show you how long a shot that is, to grasp the enormity of this number, to write it out, if each zero were one inch wide you would need a strip of paper 37,000 miles long. Scientists say that all the particles in the universe are probably less than 10 with 76 zeros behind it. When I say you're unique, that's not a theological statement. That's a scientific fact of life. When God made you, He broke the mold. He doesn't make any copies. He doesn't make any duplicates. There never has been, there never will be anybody just like you.
We've started a series I'm calling "You are Shaped for Significance." We're taking the verse Job 10:8 "God's hand formed and shaped me." He made you, you for a purpose. We're talking about five different aspects of that shape - S-H-A-P-E. God had given you Spiritual gifts. God has given you a basic Heart -- what do I love to do, motivations. God has given you natural Abilities. God has given you a Personality. God has given you Experiences. These five things -- your Spiritual Gifts, your Heart, your Abilities, your Personality, your Experiences -- all combine to shape you and make you unique.
Today we want to work on the fourth of those qualities -- your personality. What is a personality? Personality refers to the way you think, the way you feel, the way you act. Part of your personality comes from hereditary factors -- you inherited it, part of it comes from the environment, part of it is your choice. Your personality is partially inborn, but it's also partially learned. You are a complex combination of many, many different traits. Scientists say that up to 18,000 different character traits have been identified. You're a combination of those. We're very, very complex. So complex that sometimes we're a mystery to ourselves. We can't figure ourselves out. We can't figure out why we act the way we do. Your personality influences far more than you realize.
Somebody gave me this card: "I was watching Geraldo. He had a guest who had 79 different personalities. I thought that was wild because I work with people who don't even have one."
Your personality influences every area of your life. It influences every decision you make, how you deal with change or don't deal with it, how you solve problems, what makes you happy/sad, what you think is funny and what you don't think is funny at all, says a lot about the kind of work you should be in, the kind of person you should marry, the kind of ministry God wants you to have serving Him. Every area. Your personality influences how you relate to God. Some people relate to God in a quiet, meditative, contemplative kind of way. Some people relate to God in a very emotional, loud kind of way. We're just different!
The number one way your personality shows up is in how you relate to other people. I want us to look at understanding why others misunderstand you. 1 Corinthians 12 (Phillips) "God works through different people in different ways." That's obvious. God loves variety! He loves differences. Every one of us think differently, feel differently, react differently, respond to life differently. We're just different in every area of our lives. Because of your personality and these factors God has put in you, you are very unique. That causes people to misunderstand you and it causes you to misunderstand others.
There is no right or wrong temperament. There is no right personality in God's book or wrong personality. God has given you the personality you have and He did it for a purpose. He did it intentionally.
There are lots of different ways you could classify personality. Scientists and psychologists have been trying to do it for years. There's the MMPI -- Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. There's the Myers-Briggs Survey. There's the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis. There are many different ways and all of these ways are helpful but they're all limited because you're unique. I've put one classification that is in Florence Littauer's book, and before that Tim LaHaye's book... 2000 years ago a guy named Hippocrates thought it up. He classifies everybody into four different categories. Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic, Melancholy.
I could explain to you the differences and then talk to you about the implications of these, but that would be kind of boring. I have arranged a distinguished panel to come and help us understand the differences in personalities rather than having me explain them I'm going to have them come and talk about them and share. Try to identify the temperament you have and then that of your husband/wife or those you work with or friends.
For this demonstration, I have four women who are going to model this but temperament is not gender inclusive. Men have these same four temperaments. But I had dirt on these four women and I blackmailed them to be here this morning.
Susie Sanguine
Connie Choleric
Two sisters -- Melody and Melonie Melancholy
Phyllis Phlegmatic
I've asked each of these women to take about sixty seconds to share who they are and then I'm going to ask them to discuss how they would respond to a typical life situation like going on a family vacation.
Susie Sanguine: First of all a sanguine, their main goal in life and mine is to have fun. We try to make fun out of every situation. We don't ever plan anything because that's not fun! People living with us it's tough! We always are the life of the party whether they want us to be the life of the party or not. Everything we have we think the whole world should know about it. Our stories are better and more fabulous than any other story. We take a little boring story and add a lot of meaty stuff to it. You may consider that lying. It's not. It's just improving your life. We are also very curious people. We want to know what you're all ....
Connie Choloric: Ten seconds
Susie: I hate time. I just won't wear a watch. My husband's bought me tons but I won't wear them because that's constricting.
Connie: Time!
[It's OK. She can have my time.]
[We'll never keep on schedule this way!]
Susie: I love a microphone but they're going to make me quit. So I'm going to. But... have a good time. OK?
Connie Choleric: Would you time me please? I'm Connie Choleric
and as you can see, I always like to be in control. I have the strongest of personalities. Some of you might remember like Type A, Obsessive-compulsive, Workaholic, Born Leader. I try to control myself and others. My strengths are, I'm very task oriented. I have a one-tracked mind which can lead me to be bossy and demanding. I am a planner -- a mental planner, that is. I don't write things down on paper but I keep track of them in my minds. My way is the right way. I am practical and logical which can lead me to be very critical of others if they don't see the logic in the way things should be done which is my way! I'm very productive. I'm always in continual motion. I make work out of leisure. I never have any time to rest because that isn't work. I'm a perseverer and I thrive on opposition which can lead me to be tactless and insensitive to others. As you can see, I'm very controlling of myself and of others.
M/M Melancholy: We melancholiacs like to be organized and do things perfectly. We're introspective so we often keep a journal. We also like a place for everything and everything in its place. And labeled. We're neat and orderly so we have color coordinated wardrobes. Everything must be perfect. We have calendars where we write down everything that's going to be done and then we check it off when it is done. We have coupons. This is my coupon box. It is according to all the different things like cereal isn't just cereal it's Kellogg's cereals, Nabisco cereals, General Mills cereals. And each section is according to date of expiration.
Susie: I had coupons once but I couldn't find them in the bottom of my purse. And then they were two years out of date. I want to talk. I have so much to share!
M/M: When it comes to Bible study, we Melancholiacs have different Bibles for different things. This is ...
Connie: Times up!
M/M: I'm not done and I have to get done! Because Melancholics have to finish! This is my devotional Bible. It's the daily Bible in chronological order -- 365 daily readings and it must be done every day. And I will finish the Bible in one year. Then this is my study Bible and it has the concordance and handy little markings in it so you can find what book. In addition to that I have all of my bible study helps which is my topical Bible
[Hurry Up!]
M/M: ... by Bible dictionary and my Bible handbook. A lot of people ask me, I'm the leader of the Victor's group and I'm also a counselor for people who are in pain. So people often ask me, Why do I do this kind of work and Don't I get tired of it. No! I'm a melancholic, so I understand pain. My motto is, Anything worth doing is worth doing perfectly!
Connie: Ok, Phyllis, your turn!
Phyllis: That's the most boring thing I've ever heard! Do we really have to stand up. I don't really feel like it.
Connie: Yes, Hurry up!
Phyllis: Phlegmatic tend to be very easy going and just mellow kind of people. We like to relax. We like to have fun by relaxing. Sometimes decisions are very difficult for us. But I like to think it's really because we see both sides. Which do you think it is?
Connie: There's only one way!
Phyllis: We can be very easily distracted. Sometimes our task are left uncompleted. But if we're interested it is important to know that we ...
Connie: Come on! Get to the point!
Phyllis: ... can focus well. I'm getting there!
Connie: Time's almost up!
Phyllis: When we're interested, we can tune out the things around us completely sometimes to the distraction of our spouses. Things like kids and housework can be left unnoticed while we're finishing what we're trying to do. We like to take the easy way which is often the quicker way if there is an easier way we'll usually find it.
Connie: I'm sorry! Time's up. We have to move on now.
Phyllis: OK. That's fine.
Connie: Now that we have briefly described each of the personality types we're going to take a common occurrence -- taking a vacation -- and each of us are going to explain it from our personality type. Susie, one minute!
Susie: One minute? My kids are pretty much grown up now but when they were little and we used to plan a trip this is how we did it. My husband would ponder over a map for many months to decide where we were going and what we were doing. I really could care less. Just so he could promise me at the end of this something fun was going to happen. I always had travel games and if we didn't have this we'd play the A-B-C games and everybody keep every happy and do the jokes and those things. When we were getting ready for the trip the first things I'd ever pack would be the games, of course then I'd start to plan the food. I didn't plan menus because after all, that's not fun! So, I would go to the store and buy snack food. And lots of treats I could put in strategic places so that when we were doing things we could bring out these fun foods and eat them. Then my husband would have to promise me that if we saw something fun along the side of the road that I got to stop. I'm very curious so it didn't matter.
[Did you ever get there?]
Susie: Yes, we always got there. Because my husband is a phlegmatic and he just keeps going on. He also lets me do whatever I want so that's great. The other thing I do when we prepare for a trip when my kids were real little I bought them all a duffle bag and ...
[whistle]
Susie: ... I would put a duffle bag in each of their rooms and say, "There's your duffle bag. You pack. What you take you have." And they did this from the time they were very little. That's the way it went. If they didn't pack a jacket they just didn't have a jacket. If they only packed one pair of socks that's what they had unless my husband weakened and went out and bought them more. That's how we did it. And we'd have a great time and lots of laughs.
Phyllis: Didn't it hurt their feelings if you didn't help them pack?
Susie: No. Well, I didn't think about that. I don't know. Anyway, that's how we took our vacations. And...
Connie: Cut! My turn!
Susie: There's something else really important I have to tell you. I have to tell you also that being rejected by people is a real serious thing for a sanguine. We like to have everybody like us.
Connie: I like you. Set down!
Susie: Even if you're not enjoying this be sure and tell me you are afterwards because it's really important!
Connie: Now that she's wasted all my time! The first thing a choleric does is make a list. We make a list and delegate to our husband to our children and those going with us their part and their responsibility that's their's in getting ready for a vacation. My responsibility in getting ready for a vacation is deciding what is our purpose in taking this vacation. If we're going to national parks we are going to be sure to see everything that's beautiful. If we're going on an historic vacation, we're going to make sure we see every tourist sight in every historical monument and everything and learn everything we can about it while we're there. We use every cent we have to go and we make sure we spend it all well. If you're sick, I'm sorry! We move on. If it's raining, that's OK. We go to Disneyworld in the rain. We don't stop along the way when we're traveling by car unless it's on the schedule. Bathrooms, drinks -- you have to bring your own little drink with you and we just move right along. We keep very much on schedule on our vacations because I am in control and we're going to have fun on our vacation but we're going to do it a certain way!
M/M: Planning a vacation is very serious business because if it goes wrong it's all my fault. It doesn't matter who else is involved or what happened, it's my fault! So it must be done correctly! to begin with, I can't depend on my own judgment because I probably will be wrong. So I get out the LA Travel section and see where other people have gone on their vacation and surely that is a good idea. Once we zero in on a state then you go to the triple A office and you get a book on that state and you read every single page of every article -- the history of the state, everything. Cover the whole book! Then you zero in on the particular city you're going to stay in and get out a map of that sate and you yellow mark the entire trip. Every single stop must be marked with the yellow marker.
Phyllis: This is really scary.
M/M: I know! We set impossible goals for ourselves and then when we don't meet those goals we feel so guilty and we know that we've ruined everything for everybody else so you have to be sure that every stop is marked because you might miss something. Then, when you pick out the city that you're going to you write to the hotels that are listed in the back of the Triple A book and you get a brochure because if the hotel is not pretty you don't stay thee. It doesn't matter what else but it has to be pretty because we like pretty! Then you write to the national parks and all of the sights that you're going to see. You don't call them because that cost money. But if they have an 800 number then you can call. You get a list of all the tours. The 10:00 tour, the 1:00 tour, the 3:00 tour. You make sure you book whichever one has the prettiest view at that time of the day. We don't do anything without reservations. You don't just go! No!
Then once that's all done you start shopping because you have to be sure that the film you buy is on sale and the socks you buy are on sale. You don't buy anything unless it's a bargain. Then finally, after you've done all your research, you're ready to plan your trip with a chart. This chart has numerous columns. The first column is the date. Then your transportation -- are you driving.
Phyllis: This is boring! Are you almost through?
M/M: But it's so organized. Then your logic -- the phone number and the room number. You get that in advance, you don't wait until you get there. And the sightseeing on each stop that day and how much time you're going to allocate for that stop. An hour, hour and a half. Plus you have to figure in diving time. then you total up your expenses. What did you pay for admissions? What did you pay for meals? What did you pay for souvenirs?
Connie: 10 seconds!
M/M: ... and the last one is your coupon column. You keep track of everything you saved because that makes you feel so worthy that you have saved some money on this trip! Then when you're all finished...
Phyllis: I use money on our trip and when it's gone we're through.
M/M: As far as the money is concerned, when your trip is all over you make up an expense report because that's what's withdrawn from the vacation savings fund. You have to be sure they balance.
Phyllis: I don't have a savings fun! Phlegmatics don't take a lot of vacations. We talk about it a lot but we never seem to get anywhere. This year, God did give us a vacation. He must have known I was going to be up here so He gave me something to talk about. I must have a little melancholy in me because I did bring a map and we reserved our camp sight, We had ten days to take a vacation and I couldn't decide exactly where to go so we chose four different campsights. I wanted one of each kind so I'd know which kind we'd want for next time. We had one at the beach and one in the Red Woods and one in a forest by a lake and one by the Hot Spring area. That doesn't add up to ten days but I wanted two extra days in case we wanted to do something I didn't know about yet. When we get ready for a vacation I tend to want to pack everything because you don't know what you might want to do once you get there. You just might need it. My husband is not as phlegmatic as I am in this regard so he packs the car and leaves a lot of my things still standing by the doorway. Once we got to our first campsight this year we were followed by a storm and it came during the night. Everything we had put out on the lines to dry weren't dry any more. That didn't bother me because I thought there were a lot of fun things you can do inside with the kids in the tent. My husband didn't agree.
Connie: If you had planned a little more carefully nne of these things would have happened. You realize that?
Phyllis: We don't plan. We just do it! It's not as enjoyable if you have to waste a lot of effort in the planning.
Suzi: I'm for that! We're alike there!
Phyllis: We played in the tent and my husband packed everything up and we went to a motel so that he could nap and dry off. I took the kids and the dirty things to a laundromat ...
Connie: Was that in your schedule?
Phyllis: No! that's what made it more fun. It was an unscheduled trip. We went to the laundromat and Burger King. That might have been my favorite part of the trip! I can't decide.
This is just an aide. There are many different ways to categorize personality but your personality is far too complex to fit into any one pattern. What I want to say about this can best be summarized in 1 Corinthians 2:11 "No one can really know what any one else is thinking or what he is really like except that person himself." As the result of that -- because we're all so different -- you have great possibility of conflict with other people. I can't assume you think the way I do. I can't assume you feel the way I do. We're all different. As a result there is conflict. Most of your problems in life are people problems and most of your people problems are because you don't understand that God made us all differently. The Bible is full of examples of personality conflict: Paul and Barnabus, Paul and John Mark, Paul and Peter. Paul was a choleric, by the way. There are many different problems that come as a result of personality.
Let me give you three factors on how to increase your personal skills with people. Eighty percent of the people who fail in a job do so not because of a lack of ability but because they don't know how to get along with other people. Your success in life is far more dependent upon your ability to get along with other people than it depends on your intellect -- far more. The number one thing employers value in an employee is the ability to get along with others. Inter personal skills that's a personality issue.
Three keys on How to get along better with others.
1 Be aware of personality differences.
Provers 19:11 "A man's wisdom gives him patience." The more you understand how people act and react the more patient you are with them. God wants you to not only understand your personality but He wants you to understand the personalities of the people around you. If you're not aware of why the people act the way they do you'll misjudge them, you'll misunderstand them, you'll become impatient with them and you'll be living in constant conflict with the people around you because they are different. For those who are married, you probably married your opposite. I think that is proof of God's sense of humor. When I look at Him putting Kay and me together I think, "He's such a prankster!" Chances are if one of you are extroverted, the other is introverted. If one of you likes variety, the other likes routine. If one of you are structured the other is unstructured. If one of you reveals their emotion, the other tends to conceal their emotion. He just made us that way. I think a lot of the early problems that Kay and I had in marriage could be summed up in the phrase, "Why aren't you more normal like me?" It was simply not understanding that God made people differently! It's part of the way He made you.
Awareness is not only key in your marriage and relating to people. It's a key foundation on being a good parent, being aware of the basic personality bent of your children. "Esau loved the outdoors, but Jacob was a quiet man who stayed at home." These two were twins. Although they were twins they were as opposite as Danny DeVito and Schwarzenegger and they really didn't get along. If you had been their dad, Isaac, how would it be if you tried to force Esau to stay at home more and force Jacob to go out for wrestling, which later would have come in handy. The point is be careful not to destroy your child by trying to mold him into some preconceived pattern. Find their bent. The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go..." What that means in Hebrew is the way he naturally goes, his temperament and your children often are not going to have the same temperament as you. You need to help them value it, understand their temperament and build on the strengths of it.
But awareness is not enough. The second key to getting along with other people is ...
2. Accept personality differences.
The Bible says a lot about this. Romans 15:7 "Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you." When you look at the twelve disciples that Jesus chose, they were as opposite as night and day. John was a very meditative, thoughtful type of person. Peter was Mr. Impulsive, Mr. Energy, Mr. Foot-in-Mouth. They had differences. Nathaniel had an easy time believing. Thomas had a difficult time believing. Simon was a Zealot -- a kind of PLO of the day. Matthew was a Roman tax collector. They wouldn't have gotten along in any social setting. God uses ordinary people and there isn't any one type of personality that God uses. He uses every type of personality. We need to accept our differences.
"Accept others just as Christ accepted you." I have discovered that people who look up to God, rarely look down on people. If you look up to God, you don't look down on people because you realize that He made them all. What does it mean to accept one another? What doe s it mean to accept your husband/wife/boyfriend/boss/whatever? It means to realize that differences are not a matter of right or wrong. They're not a matter of good or bad. They're just different. So we accept each other because God loves variety. Just look around. God loves differences.
Romans 14:13 (Phillips) "Let us stop turning critical eyes on one another. Let us rather be critical of our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make a brother stumble." To accept others differences means you don't criticize them. When you start to criticize someone else's personality who are you using as a reference point. Yourself. You're setting yourself up as the standard for all personality. And God says that's not it.
It's like a church. No church appeals to everybody. That's OK. It's not a matter of right or wrong, good or bad, it's a matter of what is your personality. You need to find a church where you can say, "That's where I fit!"
Don't criticize differences, celebrate them.
Ephesians 4:2 "Generously make allowances for each other because you love each other." That verse can save your marriage. Stop trying to change your mate to be like you. God didn't want them to be like you. He made them different. He gave them that personality. You need to learn to not only be aware of differences but accept those differences. Accept the personality that God gave the people around you.
But even that's not enough. You've got to go to step three. This is real maturity if you're able to do this.
3. Appreciate personality differences
You value people's uniqueness. You see God's wisdom in making us all different. You be grateful that we're all not alike. Can you imagine what a boring place the world would be if we were all alike? God loves diversity and we need it for balance. We need to not only accept our differences but appreciate them. Value them. It takes all kinds of people for a balanced home, a balanced church, a balanced community, a balanced world.
1 Corinthians 12:27 "All of you together are the one body of Christ and each of you is a separate and necessary part of it." Circle "necessary". We're all necessary. All personality are necessary. If two people agree on everything, one of them isn't necessary. When you eat, you eat with a knife and a fork not two knives, not two forks. If you learn to not only be aware and accept but also appreciate the differences of the people around you it will not only make your life a whole lot easier but you'll become like Jesus Christ because Jesus Christ is aware of all the personality; He made them. And He accepts them. He appreciates them. To be Christlike means to see the value in each of the differences He's given to people.
Romans 12:10 "Have a profound respect for each other." That's what God commands you to do. Appreciate. How do I have profound respect for somebody with negative characteristics? Negative qualities? You need to look behind it and see that many times a negative character trait, a negative personality problem is often a positive characteristic being misused. For instance, the person who is hyper critical may have the positive characteristic of discernment, they're just misusing it. Somebody who is bossy all the time, is misusing the positive characteristic of responsibility. Somebody who is impulsive all the time is misusing the positive characteristic of flexibility. Look behind the negative and see what is being misused. It just needs to be channeled. Many of your children, rather than trying to change their negative points, help them to realize that properly disciplined and brought under control and directed, can be the source of their very success. Because that's the way God made them.
It seems in our world, the number of dysfunctional people in our world is increasing. Why? I think it's because nobody has ever understood or accepted or appreciated what God made them to be. If you felt like "I don't think anybody understands me. I don't think anybody accepts me. I don't think anybody appreciates me." Jesus Christ does. He made you, He knows you, He cares about you, He accepts you, He values you, He died for you. If you'll give your life to Him, He will help you develop the personality He gave you to its greatest potential. If you haven't done that, do so. For those of you who are believers, God expects you, as He expects me, to obey Romans 12:10 "Have a profound respect for each other." By being aware and accepting and appreciating others you can then share God's greatest gift of Jesus Christ with people.
These three words are words we value here at Saddleback We want Saddleback to have an atmosphere that is aware of people's differences, that accepts people's differences, and that appreciates them and values the diversity. You can have unity in a church without uniformity. You can have differences without division.
We haven't said anything about how God wants to help you improve your personality. We'll do a series on that in the springtime. Homework: Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses of your personality traits. Then ask yourself two questions:
What does my personality indicate about the type of job and ministry God wants me to have? If you're an extrovert you're probably not going to be happy being a librarian. If you're into control, you're die waiting for people to return their books. On the other hand, if you're an introvert, God doesn't want you to be a greeter as a ministry. He has a ministry that's best for you. What kind of personality might God bring into my life in order to give me balance?
WORDS OWNED BY:
RICK WARREN (http://www.rickwarren.com/)
0 comments:
Post a Comment